Big Girl Panties Cupcakes- Chocolate Stout Cupcakes with Salted Caramel Cream Cheese Frosting

I'm gonna just go ahead and put this out there- These cupcakes are NOT for the faint hearted. They are not for children. They are not for the fragile or the delicate. These fuckers are NOT for pussies.

The cupcakes aren't sweet. They are intense, chocolaty and a lil' bit bitter. The icing is light, fluffy and sweet but insanely dimensional in flavor.

To sum it up- if you want to enjoy these cupcakes, put on your big girl panties and roll up your sleeves.

Cupcakes

Measure Yo' Shit:
1 cup delicious, sinful dark beer - I thought it would be a good idea to "taste-test" 4 different beers before choosing the perfect one. I chose Brooklyn Black Chocolate Stout but I think any of them would have been awesome.
1/2 cup unsalted butter
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa - I used Ghirardelli because that's what I had, but I usually prefer Valrhona for, well, anything really.
2 cups dark brown sugar
2 teaspoons instant espresso powder - Instant coffee worked just fine.
3/4 cup sour cream
2 eggs
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
2 cups flour
2 1/2 teaspoons baking soda

Get Your Mix On-
Just to put this out there- I think the cupcake recipe could probably use some tweaking. There's a little too much baking soda and maybe not enough chocolate. I'm also morally opposed to being deprived of using my kitchenaid when I bake.

1)Try not to drink all the beer before you start. I know that shit is good as hell- but there should be plenty left over to drink while you bake.
2)Melt the butter and the beer over medium low heat
3)Whisk in the cocoa, sugar and espresso (coffee). This is the one part of the process that doesn't require EXACT measurement. Taste test it because this shit might be even better than the cupcakes. It's like drinking chocolate with coffee and beer. Seriously? Are you shitting me? Could anything BE any more delicious?
4) Mix the sour cream, eggs and vanilla and then add in the beer hot mocha heaven. It looks real purty when your mix it.
5) Of course you're supposed to sift the flour and baking soda. Personally, I don't believe in sifting. Throw that shit in a bowl and mix it up with your fingers. You are baking, bitch- if you aren't getting messy, you aren't doing it right.
6) Apparently you are supposed to fold that shit into the batter. I dunno, dude. The batter looked chunky- like fucking brownie mix and it tasted so baking soda-y that it made me pucker my lips...
7) Find some super cute cupcake liners. I would recommend the silver ones because the chocolate stained my cute vintage swirly ones. Bake at 350 for 25 minutes.
8) You can sit around and wait for that shit to cool down before icing, or you can throw it in the freezer. I'm impatient.

Salted Caramel:

4 tablespoons water
1 cup brown sugar
2 tablespoons light corn syrup
1/2 cup heavy cream
2 tablespoons butter
1/2 teaspoon lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon salt, kosher or sea

1) Heat the water, sugar, and the corn syrup on medium low. Maybe don't taste-test the carmel until it's done. That shit gets HOT. I have a burned tongue to prove it.

2)That's right, go ahead and put the lid on to reduce temptation. 3 minutes should do the trick.

3) Increase the heat ever so slightly. No more stirring from hear on out- just shake and shimmy the pan so you don't burn your delicious caramel. Now, I should remind you that you're supposed to be listening to mirah- this means you should be singing at the top of your lungs to The Garden right about now and doing interpretive dance in your kitchen.

4) It's gonna bubble and get really funky looking for a while. Be patient and keep shaking the pot until it looks like amber.

5) Remove the pot from the heat and pour in the heavy cream... mmmmmm, heavy cream

6) You're allowed to stir it again, but, seriously kids, I know you didn't follow my advice and you tasted it the first time. Try not to make the same mistake again. This shit is hot. Like me and K

7) Add the butter, lemon juice, and salt and stir that shit like it's been misbehaving.

8) Pour into a glass bowl or measuring cup and let it sit for about 20 minutes. You should be able to taste it after a couple of minutes. Blow first. It will thicken with time- just like the hottest girls I know.

Frosting:

So, I followed the recipe fairly strictly up until this point- The first time I try a new recipe, I tend to be pretty obedient. I'm sure I will update this entry the more times I bake it. The icing? That's a different story. That's the part of cupcake baking that I love- it's so hard to mess it up and you can just add shit and taste until you get what you want.

1.5 sticks unsalted butter at room temperature
6 ounces cream cheese
4-7 cups powdered sugar
3/4 cup salted caramel

Oh, I might've added half of a scraped out vanilla bean and 1/2 a cup of beer. Because I like beer.

1) throw in the dairy goodness and beat that shit into submission. Usually 1 or 2 minutes gets it nice and creamy.

2) Remember, sifting is bullshit. Throw two cups of sugar and mix for another minute

3) added the salted caramel (ssshhhh- and some beer)

4) now keep adding sugar, scraping the sides and bottom, mixing and adding sugar until you've got a good thick consistency that isn't crunchy in your teeth.

Put It All Together:

• Frost the cupcakes- I used my standard 1M and just did a yogurt pump swirl
• Drizzle leftover salted caramel over them- I found it looked best if you try to drizzle in the general direction that you frosted
• Sprinkle some kosher salt over the top.
  
• Garnish with chocolate covered espresso beans.

Hattip: http://thebrooklynkitchen.wordpress.com/2008/05/20/best-in-show-the-prizewinning-cupcakes/

Bradley's Butter-Scotchies

from kate:
cupcakes take time, you know.

don't judge me. i'm adding a cookie recipe. i work for this theatre company, and the associate artists and other folk who have been there forever (like myself) are pretty much like a family. and one of us has a serious amount of back pain right now, so we are all worried... because we love our family, and this man is the sweetness and the heart of the universe. also, when things start to go sour, i make cookies in the toaster oven downstairs. it helps. a warm cookie goes a long way in making people feel comforted. so this is a toaster oven recipe for bradley, whom we all want to get better soon.

First, i wanna say this: you always hear that baking, unlike cooking, is an exact science. measure carefully or your baking will turn out like some sort of nightmare. well, i think that's just what other bakresses say to make themselves feel superior about their type-a personalities. suck on that, other bakresses! (to be fair, it is much more important in baking cakes which need to rise than in baking cookies.)

anyway, this is my alteration of the back-of-the-bag recipe. it is lower in fat and has about half the sugar of the other recipe, but let's be honest here: that's really because i ran out of some ingredients. but they taste pretty effing good, so it's all gravy!

Get Yourself Some Stuff:
1 1/4 c. all-purpose flour
1 t. baking soda
1/2 t. salt
1/2 t. cinnamon
1 stick u/s butter, softened
1/4 c. extra virgin coconut oil (which is my moon goddess)
1/4 c. white sugar
1/2 c. packed dark brown sugar
2 eggs
1 t. vanilla (i used that tasty vanilla bean paste again. damn, that stuff is delicious.)
zest of one orange
3 c. oats (either kind. old-fashioned will make your cookies have a different texture. quick oats will taste just as good, but be more uniform in texture...they break up more during baking. i like old-fashioned, but the most important thing, to me, is that they have that quaker guy on the front. because i'm a quaker. and i think it would be funny if i looked like him.)
11 oz pkg (1 2/3 c.) butterscotch chips

Live the Dream!
~combine flour, baking soda, salt and cinnamon in small bowl
~beat butter, coconut oil, sugars, eggs, vanilla and zest in mixer until well combined.
~gradually beat in flour mixture
~stir in oats and chips
~drop in enormously overflowing tbsps onto teeny toaster oven cookie sheet (put some foil on that beast! you're at work!)
~bake at 375 for 9 (-11) minutes. they will be soft and squishy and oh-so delicious!
~then think for a second about how much you love somebody, anybody...and wish them good health.

Auntie Bap-Bap's Frozen Key Lime Cupcakes (yields 12)

Ok, so this recipe is easy as pie. Wait, it's totally easier than pie. It's easy as Jell-O mold. I thought about calling them Foresight Cupcakes, because the only catch with them is that you have to think ahead and make them 3 hours in advance!

Get yourself some stuff:
6 key limes
1Tbsp lemon juice
1/2 cup sugar
1 pint heavy whipping cream. motherfucker, heavy whipping cream is delicious.
1/2 stick unsalted butter
1Tbsp + 1tsp dark brown sugar
1/2 cup crushed cornflakes
1/2 cup crushed graham crackers
1 tsp vanilla extract

Do it Up!:
1. Melt butter, and add brown sugar, crumbly bits and vanilla.
2. Here comes the tricky part: do not proceed by eating that shit with a fork. You may think you can resist, but next thing you know, you're a grown-ass woman, standing in your kitchen eating crust like it's cereal.
3. Seriously, stop eating it and put it in a cupcake pan. You can moosh it down with a wooden spoon a little, but don't worry that it's not packing solidly in there...we're gonna freeze all that business together.
4. Combine white sugar, zest of four key limes, and juice of five in a bowl. Whisk together.
5. Slowly add heavy cream. Don't fuck with me on this one...start slowly, because I really fear the curdling of the whipping cream, and have a belief that that's why we're adding it slowly.
6. Attempt not to begin a life of hermitage, while drinking said citrus-y cream. Instead, try to make the grown-ass woman choice and pour it over the crusts.
7. Freeze for three excruciating hours.
8. Remove from pans. Are you wondering where the last key lime comes in? It's here. Ever been a bartender? Slice off the ends of the wee lime, then half lengthwise, then slice the other way. Remove lime fruit and twist the rind that's left behind. This is called a lime twist. Right now, it's the thing making the dessert pretty, but many times, it is the object making your cocktail delicately fruit-flavored and fancy-looking as all get out. I dip them in sugar for these purposes, and then I just eat the little fellas if I please.

Helpful Hints:
Listening to Mirah makes these cupcakes more delicious.